Believe me or not, when I say this:
The idea of working, and the amount that I want to sustain was never in my thought for the least. After my graduation I thought I will be doing my postgrad then doing my favorite things that I wish to do in my life, like travelling to places that I once thought never existed. Being in the circle of existence, doing what matters to me. Be with my friends and family- cracking jokes and endless talks, which will only ends when our butts start to ache with the bitter stories or the endless curiosity that delivers through everybody’s snapshots of existence. But things- as everyone say ‘was never the same’. Too much things happened I might have said too many, but why did I say ‘much’? Because past years has been a huge loss for us, still it is. Of losing our very dear family members, with whom once we shared our moments of togetherness and memories that we believed would pass through generations of eternity. But they were too loud and blessed to pass through another world from the weary life on this planet of 7 plus billion people, who only at times knows how to handle cracks of hope and despair in times of solitude, Who thinks life could be only resolved through a bit pain and hard work. Hard work to the extreme that many follows path towards the devil and less likely to be in the cocoon of love and humanity. I can’t believe how world moves pass through each generations which carries the hope and fulfillment for a life time. How fast it is to admit the passing of time and never find time to heal from the same.
The fulfillment of getting a job was so satisfying and are a comfort, from the all questioning of choices and academic records. The only constant prayer that may be, I had made last last year: was getting a job. My only motive out of this were to kill the time. Yes, to kill the passing of time , because that had made me lots of questioning of my years of education and my inability to showcase myself and my abilities of the effort that I kept throughout my journey to this life.
I was both struggling financially and mentally when I first got my job. The reason why I choose myself into that position was to learn the unknown, I thought I could master the art of writing and I thought I could be better if I do what I love, but turns out I was wrong. Somedays where difficult other days I feel the urge to stop and be at the mountains or somewhere, other days I want to be out of service area- why not?
My inability to express clarity concisely, the amount of time I have to depend on social media, the realization when our creative side are not putting into effort, my inability to express whole heartedly indeed deeply affecting me to get rid of this work. My Peers was okay, my manager — she was too sweet enough to push me and make me remembering often times to improve myself and work hardly. How much I try, things will never turn out to be good or perfect. And the worst part is the ’lie’ when someone put on me. I couldn’t bear to that one.
This idea of us being turn into someone and something that only made for the fulfillment of clients or brands- it sucks and I couldn’t comprehend but to admit why this hasn’t been questioning and why we have to be like our competitors and work tirelessly for a creative ideas to put in, but to our dismay it all go into vain when they ask us to ‘no…not in this way.. Did you see their post or copy?… we want something like that… if I bring out the different style with same idea, then it got rejected.
For the past three months, my life has revolved around two words: ‘Approved’ and ‘Rejected’.
Don’t ask me what I’m doing now. Even I don’t have the answer to that.
well .. I’m quitting. If that brings me happiness I must do that right?
Wrote this couple of months back, here I'm right after I made the decision to resign from my job.
